It feels like all my life I have been waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to start a family. Waiting for my marriage to get better. Waiting for my divorce to be finalized. Waiting for my children to become more independent. Waiting to lose weight. Ok you get the picture.
Well I am now waiting for this to get easier. Waiting to actually "WANT" to walk when I get home from work. I had to force myself to walk today even thought I didn't want to deal with getting changed, the sweat and subsequent shower. I am tired and just wanted to relax. But because I haven't been that great with my eating this week and have not walked more days than I should, I forced myself out the door and about 4 minutes in was slammed with shin pain. I was so angry and did NOT want to slow down my pace. If I was going to walk, I wanted to make it worthwhile and I didn't want to stroll. I was happy that my average speed was 3.5 and the pain in my shins did get a little better but halfway home my ankle and floppy foot returned and so did my anger. I am so tired of waiting for this to get better and easier and I kept mumbling to myself, "fake it til you make it" which is something I am also familiar with- in my job, in parenting etc.
Well I now think that is a bunch of hoo ha because it doesn't seem like I am ever going to make it. For all the hard work I have put in, my body is still decieving me. I still feel fat and my legs still hurt and this is NOT fun anymore.
I know I am not going to quit, at least not before September 9th but if I am going to continue to walk and count calories than I don't want to wait for results, I don't want to wait for the pain to stop. My prize just seems to far away and at this point unobtainable.
But I will fake it and continue to act like I like this and continue to act like this is making a difference in my life and maybe, just maybe, I will get to stop waiting and finally enjoy the results.
Until then,
I'll just be over here waiting
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