The weekend threw off my motivation and here I sit, knowing that I have to go walk and the thought is literally making me want to vomit. It is so hot and humid outside that I think I would rather be face to face with a hungry alligator right now than go for a walk. You see I missed my training walk on Sunday because I was sleeping off wedding fun. I was going to walk later yesterday but my hip hurt so bad from all the dancing that I did at the wedding that I never went. I rationalized it by thinking that all the dancing I did was in place of my Sunday training. And my hip did really really hurt. The aches have been something I was unprepared for on this journey. My ankles, shins and hips are taking a huge beating and when I stand up to walk I hear my bones crying. My body sure is constantly reminding me that I am 44 and completely out of shape.
I did spent all day today knee deep in trash, dirt and unused toys cleaning out Grace's room and the hallway. This yielded 6 large trash bags and a sore back which is not helping the "I don't wanna do this anymore" mood.
I have also eaten all but 65 calories of my days allotment and I have found myself increasingly hungry and know that I will want to eat something later on.
Now I am not writing this to elicit any kind of sympathy or "you can do it" comments- I know I can do it- I DON'T WANT TO!
I knew I would reach this point and hope beyond hope that tomorrow I won't feel this way. It has been creeping up on me since the end of week one. I want to be positive and inspiring but today it's just not in me.
At best, I am hoping to find a walking channel on TV and walk in front of the air conditioner in my bare feet. It is the best I can do today. At worst, I will not do any exercise today and hope that I don't pay for it too bad the next time I walk. I AM committed to this and I know that my mojo is just hiding right now. If tomorrow I wake up feeling this way again- I am screwed :(
Until then,
Keep Calm and Cry On
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