I DID IT!!!!!!

I crossed the finish line in 54 minutes 26 seconds!

This 6 week journey is over and what a ride it's been. 

            6 weeks and 11 pounds ago                                         Today!!!



I am stealing a quote from my 10 year old daughter after she had an appearance on the Jumbotron at an Orioles game- "It's great to be me!" 

I wasn't nervous going into this, maybe I should've been, but I was more concerned about the things I couldn't anticipate.  I don't like doing anything for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect from the crowds, the ceremony, exactly where I would be walking etc.  But as far as the walking, I wasn't nervous.  I knew that I would do it, knew that I would finish and whatever happened in between would take care of itself. 

This is what greeted us when we came around the corner in front of the World Trade Center.  It reminded me the most important reason that I was doing this- to honor Bob Marchanti and remember those that died in 9-11 and all of our fire fighters, police officers and military that keep us all safe.  I smiled as I remembered Bob and knew that he was with me.  I had complained to my Mom last night that I didn't put a picture of Bob or something on my shirt saying that I was walking in his memory, but then she said "He will be with you in your heart."  My mom, always has the words I need to hear :)

I was with Shneequa and Michelle, my 2 Steaders. It was so nice to have them to share this experience with.

Here we are before the race- We are Awesome!!!

So I got myself all ready and we were standing in the middle of this huge pack of people.  Exactly 2 seconds before the horn blared, it dawned on me that I could get trampled because everyone else would be running.  Silly me, I should have started all the way in the back.  Well the horn blared and this huge pack of humans began to move forward like one large parade float.  The pace of my walk started out
pretty fast because I was trying to keep up with the runners.  Well pretty quickly it all thinned out and I was beginning to worry that there were no other walkers and I became extremely self conscious and began to doubt myself.  But soon enough the walkers caught up to me and I fell into a nice pace as we rounded the Science Center.  About this time my shins began to scream and I thought, I am in trouble.  It is too soon to be feeling this pain.  When I finally reached the 1 mile marker I was thinking that maybe I should panic.  There was no way I was going to go 2 more miles with this pain.  I concentrated on thinking positively and had my first conversation with Bob.  I knew he was with me and I began to remember working with him at Victory Villa and what a simple, fun to be around person he was.  You could not help but smile when you were around him.  He never spoke ill of others and boy did he love his wife and kids.   These memories carried me through the long haul on Key Highway and soon I found that the pain was better, definitely tolerable.  Thanks Bob!! 
I came around a corner and was almost smacked in the face with a HUGE hill.  I shook my head and chuckled and dug my shoes in, I knew they would carry me up.  I named the hill- The Hill of the Past because as I was trudging up it, watching more and more people pass me, I began to think about all of the other "hills" I have encountered in my life and sure enough conquered.  I was smiling by the time I reached the top.
At this point my mouth was dry and I was searching for the first water table.  Up ahead, not too far I thought I saw one but as I got closer I realized it was just a mirage, or really just a fire truck with hot firemen cheering us on.  Wait, I think that was a little better than water actually.  At every intersection there were firemen and woman stopping traffic for us.  It was like Hottie day too cause many of them served as a tasty bit of eye candy for the trip- SCORE!!!
Still on the search for water and that damned 2 mile marker I kept trudging along.  Around another corner the water table emerged and ahead of me were waiting a man and a woman with outstretched cups of water.  Of course I steered toward the man and politely said thank you as the water began to slosh down my chin.  Ahead of me was a complete sea of white where everyone had thrown there cups.  Now I know that this is proper running etiquette and there are people there to clean it up, but I had a very hard time throwing my cup on the ground- even as I was stomping on them like bubble wrap.  A lady up ahead was holding a trash bag and picking up cups and I tossed mine in her bag like Michael Jordan.
And there it was- up ahead- the long sought after 2 mile marker.  I rounded that sucker and picked up my pace.  I was kind of in my own little bubble, the cackling trio of ladies that had been strolling in front of me had somehow sprinted farther up ahead and I could barely make them out.  A quick look behind me showed that I, at least, was not last.  At this point, the song Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars came on.  I quickly pointed out to myself that even thought I was walking this 5K, I was amazing just the way I am!  It became my theme song and I smiled all the way through mile 2-3.  My shins were no longer hurting and the end was close.

Walking through Federal Hill was really nice- loved the row houses so much!  I even came upon a house party that I am sure, by the sounds of it, was still going on since last night.  My favorite was about 2 blocks later when a group of drunken men (still out from the night before I am sure) were standing bare feet and bare chested on the corner cheering everyone on.
Because this was the Race to Remember there were alot of fire fighters and police officers and a platoon of police officers that were running in formation, their cadence keeping us all in step too.
One more hill to go and I could see the end.  I strode up that hill with my arms swinging as several people were heading back down, already finished.  A guy at the top said 500 yards this way and you are done.  Well since 99% of the people in the race had already finished, I crossed the finish line to cheers in my heart and a smile on my face. 
There was music and celebrations and awards and a BANANA that was the best tasting thing ever!  I downed a water bottle in record time and then also had a half a bagel and began to feel recovered.  I was definitely depleted and was thankful to refuel.
So that's it- my adventure in insanity and I can without a doubt say that yes, I have lost my mind, and along the way, found a new one- and I like this one better :)
Here are some pics we took after the race on Federal Hill and before our half mile walk back to the garage- yes that was a cruel joke.

These are my stats according to the app on my phone that I use to keep track of my speed, distance and calories burned- my favorite!!!
I am thinking that walking a 5K is like child birth- while going through labor you swear you will never go through it again, you will never have more children.  And then afterwards you kind of forget the bad parts and only see the good parts and say yeah sure I can do that again.  Well that is sorta where I am right now.  Definitely remember telling myself that I would never do this again, somewhere around the 1.5 mile mark but now sitting home and reliving it all I am thinking sure why not?  It will keep me going. SO I will look into that soon and will also be looking for training buddies- friends to keep me accountable to training.  Hmmm I wonder who will be up to the challenge?
Until then,
Insert Lazy Song lyrics

Gains and Losses

My walk today was quick and hurried.  I have been so busy this week and have not had time before it got dark to walk.  I knew I had to walk today and reminded myself all during work of that fact (even while I was dealing with 25 first graders in the lab today I was praying for my shoes to fall out of the sky and force me to run out the back door).  I had a stupid after school meeting that I ended up leaving early.  I was starving when I got home so I scarfed down a turkey burger.  No sooner was it down and I had to get out for my walk.  I knew that if I didn't go right then I wouldn't be back in time for the most important thing in my life- Celebrity Stalking!  The VMA's started at 8 and I wanted to be in my seat ready to see some of my favorite stars!  Well I do not suggest combining digesting food while walking briskly- not a good combo.  But it is done and I am now happily sitting on my couch watching Katy Perry give the first award to One Direction! I made it just in time.
Speaking of making it just in time, my race is this Sunday!!!!
It has been 6 weeks since I officially lost my mind.  In that short time there have been so many gains in my life. 1. I have gained a new pair of running shoes that I absolutely love. 2. I have gained the confidence in myself to set a goal and actually stick to it. 3.  I have gained strength. 4. I have gained stamina. 5.  I have gained a new sense of self importance.  6.  I have gained determination. 7. I have gained stronger writing skills and accountability by keeping this blog. These are just a few of the new things in my life as a result of going completely insane.
And in 6 weeks, I have only lost 1 thing- ELEVEN POUNDS!!!
I can't tell you what this all means to me.  When I started this journey I wasn't sure I would make it.  I was prepared to quit and find comfort back on the couch with a full bag of cheez-its.  But instead I pushed through all of the obstacles, and believe me there were plenty, and I made it.  Well I haven't actually made it to the finish line yet, that happens this Sunday.  I know I am ready and I know that crossing that finish line will symbolize so much to me and I can't wait.
However, the finish line will not be the end of this journey.  I am only beginning.  I know there will be many obstacles ahead, I am already fretting about many of them, but I know that with each obstacle I face, I will find a way through it so that I can reach my next goal.  I have always kept my eye on the prize and that has made this journey all the more easier.
I am always amazed when someone tells me that they read my blog because when I write it, I only am thinking about me (cause I'm selfish like that) LOL
Well really it is just a way to get out my frustration most of the time.  So when someone says they read my blog it is definitly a surreal feeling. 
Thanks to all of my cheerleaders out there, I think you are the biggest gain because now knowing that others are reading my words makes this whole process real and valid and important.  Thanks for that!

This Bog Post Interrupts the Blog Posts Already in Progress.

"Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. Don't feel like picking up the phone so leave a message at the tone cause today I don't feel like doing anything." Bruno Mars

This is my theme song. You see I am basically a lazyaholic. I love having no plans and a whole day ahead of me with nothing to do. I can fill the hours with Facebook, twitter, celebrity stalking, movie watching, creative writing and naps, among other mundane things! Today, being Labor Day, I've decided to honor all of us who labor day in and day out and not do anything that remotely involves labor. I am even writing my first post on my phone because I am too lazy to get up to go to the computer. So please excuse any funky spellings due to touch screen that I will be too lazy to go back and fix. 

Ok so I had to switch to my laptop to upload this picture because I had to download an app and follow all these directions I was too lazy to read in order to add a picture from my phone.
My 14 year old doesn't understand my need for lazy days.  I don't think she has fully grasped the concept that her mother is a single parent who works full time and does 99.9% of the work around the house.  I keep meaning to change that but I guess I am too lazy. When I ask her to do 1 chore a day- ONE- you would think I was asking her to build the house from scratch.  SMH
So today I am lazy- no walking, pretty much nothing other than reading on the porch and watching some TV- today's choice was Big Brother After Hours which is basically 3 hours of people sitting around a house talking and being lazy!!!  I did make dinner, with Grace's help, to which both girls gave their typical response- "I don't like it."  Now I am not a cook, don't even like to cook but my usual repertuar of meals was getting old and boring and I have been trying to spice it up lately.  Especially since I am also trying to eat better.  Well so far not much I have tried has been a success.  I have liked most of them but I am not very picky and I also understand the time and effort it took to make said meal and will, therefore, eat it.
So, other than the failed meal attempt, today has been a quiet, lovely day.  I will go to bed rested and satisfied and ready to wake up with the alarm tomorrow morning and reenter the rat race.  This week will be a very busy one- Grace starts gymnastics again, I have Back To School Night, Anna starts back up with Girl Scouts, I can't wait to visit with my Uncle and his wife who are up from Florida, and I have to work too. Oh yeah I also have a "stupid can't tell you how much I hate them" meeting after work this week.  It looks like it is shaping up to be a very busy week and least I forget, I have to fit in at least 4 walking days before the big race on Sunday.
Well this change of pace post has been fun but now I am thoroughly depressed about my busy upcoming week so I think I will go lay down a bit and try not to think about it.

My thought for today! Tomorrow I will "Just Do it" again.
Until then,
Laze on

My Alleluia Moment

This morning was the last training Sunday before the race next week.  I was up and ready to go early, actually lookiing forward to walking around the Fort, I've become a bit attached to that place now.  When I got there, I realized that I forgot my arm band and earbuds and started to hit panic mode- how was I going to walk without my music?  Then my wonderful co-worker, Michelle, had a great idea- put my phone in my cleavage!!  How did I not think of that?  Crisis averted!
My goal was to walk the path 3 times which would be about 3 miles.  Alyssa walked with me, which was amazing.  We talked the whole time and the 53 minutes just flew by.  But the best news of the day was that I didn't have ANY pain!  NO shin pain, no ankle pain and I felt like I could walk the path 3 more times.  What an amazing feeling!

I have lost 8 pounds so far and definitly feel it in my clothes.  What an amazing feeling it will be if I reach 10 pounds by race day.  I am feeling more optimistic about this whole experience and so glad that I have stuck with it. Big lesson learned- some days are just going to be harder than others (you would think I would have learned that one by now). 

 Shneequa and I talked about signing up for another one to keep us going.  Maybe by the next one I will be running. One step at a time.

So I am taking my positive attitude and putting this spin on everything this week.  I am healthy, happy and on a journey that will bring amazing things.  Thanks for coming along for the ride, errr ah walk rather.  I appreciate all the support from all of my cheerleaders more than you know.  This time next week I will be able to proudly display my 5K sticker on my car and have another Alleluia moment.
Until then,
Walking on

 

Fake it Till you Make it

It feels like all my life I have been waiting.  Waiting to grow up.  Waiting to get a job.  Waiting to start a family.  Waiting for my marriage to get better.  Waiting for my divorce to be finalized.  Waiting for my children to become more independent.  Waiting to lose weight.  Ok you get the picture.
Well I am now waiting for this to get easier.  Waiting to actually "WANT" to walk when I get home from work. I had to force myself to walk today even thought I didn't want to deal with getting changed, the sweat and subsequent shower.  I am tired and just wanted to relax.  But because I haven't been that great with my eating this week and have not walked more days than I should, I forced myself out the door and about 4 minutes in was slammed with shin pain.  I was so angry and did NOT want to slow down my pace.  If I was going to walk, I wanted to make it worthwhile and I didn't want to stroll.  I was happy that my average speed was 3.5 and the pain in my shins did get a little better but halfway home my ankle and floppy foot returned and so did my anger.  I am so tired of waiting for this  to get better and easier and I kept mumbling to myself, "fake it til you make it" which is something I am also familiar with- in my job, in parenting etc. 
Well I now think that is a bunch of hoo ha because it doesn't seem like I am ever going to make it.  For all the hard work I have put in, my body is still decieving me.  I still feel fat and my legs still hurt and this is NOT fun anymore.
I know I am not going to quit, at least not before September 9th but if I am going to continue to walk and count calories than I don't want to wait for results, I don't want to wait for the pain to stop.  My prize just seems to far away and at this point unobtainable. 
But I will fake it and continue to act like I like this and continue to act like this is making a difference in my life and maybe, just maybe, I will get to stop waiting and finally enjoy the results.
Until then,
I'll just be over here waiting

A Bugs Life and other Musing

I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want first?  I always like the bad news first because it makes the good news all the more sweeter.
So the bad news- I didn't walk Saturday or Sunday and I really fell off the food wagon as well.  I went out Saturday night with my friend and her husband and instead of making relatively intelligent choices about my meal, I ended up eating a shrimp fiesta with 3 different types of fried shrimp.  Sunday wasn't too much better as I feasted on a large burger made by my bestie-in-law and had 2 glasses of wine.  Ok all in all not too bad but I definitly woke up today feeling heavier and stayed as far away from the scale as I could knowing that I woudn't like what I see.  I now know the value of only weighing in once a week.  So I have 4 more days to redeem myself. 
Today was such a crazy day- work was basically ok.  I mean I am in the air conditioned lab which definitly has its perks.  However, at the end of the day I was checking my account balance to see what kind of money I had in there to buy some groceries and found out I was in the hole.  "Hello bank of Mom, I'd like to make a withdraw."  So after work I had to drive to my Moms, get an advance on my check this Friday, drive to the bank in rush hour to deposit the cash and then fight my way home on the 5:30 beltway.  Knowing that I didn't have anything for dinner in my house, I text Anna with 2 choices- Chik Fila or chinese.  Chinese won out.  I used my app in the Chinese store parking lot to find out what I could eat in a decent calorie range- this was so frustrating because there were so many choices for Sesame Chicken (what I wanted) ranging from 150 calories (yeah right) to 550.  At this point, low blood sugar was kicking in and I was pissed off that I had to even worry about how many stupid calories were in my food and just got my order and went home.  I scarfed down my sesame chicken without even tasting it and added 500 calories to my day.  Feeling spent and irritated I emptied and filled the dishwasher, battled the ants once again and then had to mentally fight with myself to walk.  Grace was bugging me to walk as she wanted to ride her bike with me again.  If it were not for her, I would probably still be sitting on the porch berating myself for not walking.  It is such a mind game that is absolutely exhausting.
So now for the good news- I reluctantly donned my beloved shoes and other paraphenalia and headed out.  My pace was slower, probably matching my mood, but I can happily report NO SHIN PAIN!!!  I was so happy about this and was slowly turning my mood around when I walked through a fog of gnats.  One went straight into my eye and one went right up my nose.  I was so horrified and began digging in my eye while also blowing my nose all over my shirt to try to dislodge the bug.  I am sure the father who was coming off of the Villa Cresta field was completely grossed out- damn he was cute too.  Oh well, I couldn't tell you what happened to those nasty buggers and I really don't want to know.
So there it is, the good, the bad and the ugly.
  I have so much to be thankful for, in light of the events at Perry Hall High School today, that I can only look at my bad news today and think of it as another blessed day!  My 14 year loved her first day in High School and my 10 year old has been gushing about her day in 5th grade.  It just doesn't get any better than that- eye gnats and all!!!
Until next time,
Going to blow my nose

Feeling Antsy

Well I survived the first week back to work.  It was a pretty good week, very very busy.  I didn't walk on Monday or Tuesday due to my sore ankle.  Our training group met on Wednesday this week at Ft. McHenry.  I was nervous about how my ankle and shins would do but excited about the walk, especially because the weather was gorgeous with very little humidity. We started out on the walk and before long I was ready to jump for joy- no pain at all!!!  I had reduced my speed and it was working.  I was so excited and had to really concentrate on keeping my speed down.  About 3/4 of a mile in the pain came back.   I was really discouraged but kept moving forward.  The pain wasn't as bad as it had been on Sunday and never really increased in intensity but it lingered for the rest of the 2.1 mile walk.  My GPS app said my speed was 3.1 which wasn't too much slower than my usual 3.4 pace.  All in all it was a very nice walk.
Yesterday I was so busy with both girls Back to School nights.  First was Grace's- I can't believe that she is going into 5th grade :(  I had to leave her there in order to get Anna to High School Orientation.  Thank goodness for Sandy, who brought Grace home.  High School???  WHAT?  My baby girl is going to be a freshman, I cna't believe it!! Half way through the Orientation Grace text me that there were hundreds of ants in the kitchen.  When I got home, I found ants all over the cake that Anna and Paige made as well as pretty much all over the kitchen counter.  It was sad throwing out the cake but I was sorta glad not to have the temptation in the house. 
I knew that I had to walk today and was pretty stressed out when I got home to find more ants invading the kitchen.  After spending about an hour on clean up and getting a solution from Lowes to combat the ants I was finally able to put on my shoes and get walking.  By this point, I was struggling to find the motivation.  Grace said that she wanted to ride her bike with me and it was really nice to have her company.  The pain is still there but seems to be getting better, or perhaps I am just getting more used to it.  Not sure yet.  Either way, it is over with for today and my speed was back up to 3.4 mph.  My goal is to get up to 4.0 but I can't imagine going any fast then I already am with it being an actual jog. 

So it has been 4 weeks since I started this insanity and as of today I have lost 7.5 pounds.  Not only do I feel lighter but I also am happier and less stressed.  I definitly felt that at work this week.  I no longer wanted to punch anyone who asked me to fix their technology.  I am, however, getting antsy (no pun intended) about my progress.  Don't get me wrong, I am making amazing progress and am not discounting that at all.  But I am realizing just how long this is going to take and sometimes the effort involved in walking 5 days a week and counting calories and thinking about everything I am putting in my mouth is just too much for only losing 1 pound a week.  I know, I know, this is the healthy way to do it and ensure that I will keep it off, but sometimes it is just so frustrating.
I am getting a little concerned about what I will do after the 5K.  Part of me wants to sign up for another 5K so that I will be forced to continue. I am afraid that, left to my own, I will not continue walking 5 days a week and will allow myself to slack off.  However, there is a large part of my brain that is telling me I have once again lost my mind for wanting to train for another 5K.  What to do, what to do? 
Until then,
Chasing Ants