The Black Butterfly Day

Since the race I have been struggling a bit to stay focused.  I think I have walked twice this week and only for 30 minutes each.   Eating, on the other hand, has been a harder struggle.  It's kind of ironic that for the past 6 weeks the walking was the hard part and the eating was a breeze.  The 12 pounds just seemed to melt off. 
Today I kinda feel stuck.  I have been trying to make good choices but I have stopped counting my calories on My Fitness Pal.  Everyday I have logged in my breakfast but then I stopped.  The past 2 days have not been great and I can feel it in my body.  Part of me feels like I gained the whole 12 pounds back and I am trying to refrain from jumping on the scale every morning. 
I have to get centered again and be more faithful with logging in everything I eat.  I did it once, I can do it again.  And as my new water bottle says.....

I have agreed to walk the Komen Breast Cancer walk on October 21st.  What a perfect way to keep me focused and walking.  I knew when I went in to this that it would be a year long process.  I am on this journey until next summer so I have to keep moving forward.  This was not a 6 week deal, so I have to figure out a way to keep going and not quit so I am greatful that this race came up exactly 6 weeks after the Run to Remember.
So back to today and trying to get rebalanced.  I knew that I was kinda slipping with my food choices (mostly quantity not quality) and I went into today ready to get back on the horse.  Well I didn't do that well as I found myself starving all day.  This is frustrating because the way I was eating for the past 6 weeks I was never hungry.  As usual, I fed my hunger and ended up eating alot.  And no, I didn't log in my calories either. 
I know that I will get back on track, it isn't a matter of if, but when.  I will just try again tomorrow.  This journey will not end and I know this because of a little visitor I had today.
I was sitting on the porch reading when I heard a faint thud next to me.  I looked over and a black butterfly had landed on my People magazine.  I didn't see where it came from and the bizarre part is that I had both my front and side shades pulled all the way down.  It was like it literally dropped out of thin air.
At first I was in awe and sorta amused that it landed on the People Magazine like it was reading it.  I let it sit there and I went back to reading, expecting it to take flight any moment.  Well it never did.  I started to become fascinated with it and even gently nudged the magazine to see if it will move.  It didn't.  HMMM now I was starting to get a little freaked.  Could it be dead?  I nudged again. Nothing.  By now I was convinced it was dead and I developed a horrible dread.  What does it mean when a dead black butterly falls out of the sky and lands a foot away from you?  It couldn't be good.

I immediately went to Google and searched "The symbolism of a dead black butterly" and "black butterfly meanings".  The results were alarming, mostly detailing death.  But then I came upon this eloquent quote, "Black butterfly is associated with change, transition, freedom and rebirth.  It is symbolized as death - assume it as the death of all the bad things and misfortunes."  I loved this!!!  And that is just how I initend to see it.  By nature, I am a symbolic person.  I see symbolism in many things- some true, some not so much.  This poor dead black butterfly was reminding me that I was on a journey of change and rebirth and I now had the resolve that I needed to keep at it and get back on track.  Thank you little dead black butterfly!
Well that is not where the story ends.  I wanted to keep the little guy and maybe frame it (as a friend on Facebook suggested) so I got a tupperware to pack him away in. I moved the magazine to the table where I was going to try to scoop him in with the lid but I kept getting way freaked out. At one point the wind flipped the front cover over dumping the butterfly on the table under it.  This made me jump and run for the door.   Anna was there and I handed her the tupperware and told her to do it while I literally hid behind the door.  I was inside the house just peaking my head around the corner while she started to scoop the poor thing into the container.  In my defence I have a "flying thing" fear.  I don't like birds and anything that can just fly right at you. 
I went in the house, not wanting to watch and I hear Anna yell, "It's not dead."  She ran in the house to tell me that it took off flying!!!  We laughed and couldn't believe it!  Fly little not dead anymore black butterfly!
So long story short, my journey continues, I am no where near done.  I think I just took a breather, kinda like the butterfly, but tomorrow I fly again!
Until then,
Gonna watch me some Katniss