A Peek Inside

In almost 9 weeks I have lost 13.5 pounds and can now successfully walk at an average speed of 3.7 mph without any pain.  I am more than a tad bit happy with myself and am almost half way to my first goal of losing 30 pounds!  I had also, at one point, sorta kinda set a semi-goal of maybe one day running.  You see, when I first started this I really thought that I would just go out and run.  I am not sure what warped part of my brain that thought came from but reality has sure smacked some sense into it. As I have thoroughly detailed in this blog, running was not an option for me- hell walking some days was barely an option. 
Well since the race I have been able to walk without anymore shin pain and just a few times with mild ankle discomfort.  So I thought I would revisit my semi-kinda goal of running.  On my nice chilly walk early this morning I thought that maybe I would give running another try.  So here is a peek inside my thought process as I was walking:
Self- "This weather is so nice and it feels so good to walk.  My pace is really pretty fast this morning.  Ok when I turn this corner I think I am going to try running."
I turn the corner and hop from the road to the sidewalk ready to run.
Self-"Oh wait a man with a dog, nope not gonna try it now.  I will just wait til I get to the next street, that is a nice flat stretch."
Continue down the street and nod politely at the man with the dog.
Self- "Ok so I am now on "the" street it is time to give running a try, ok I will start after this house.  Oh wait, woman washing the car, not gonna run now and risk being seen by washer woman."
I pick up my pace and head toward the stop sign and the next turn.
Self- "Oh hold on, this part of the walk is uphill ok I am not going to try running up hill.  I will wait until I get to the downhill part."
Listen to Rascal Flatts "I Melt" and refrain from singing the words out loud.
Self- "Ok it is time to start running downhill.  Darn cute man in his yard. Go inside cute man I can't run past your house now.  Darn it.  Ok I think I will try running down Harris, it is long and flat and is about half way through  my walk."
Easily glide down the hill and past cute man's house and around the corner onto Harris fully ready to run for as long as I can make it.
Self-"What is that? Cars everywhere, people everywhere.  What is going on here?  Oh no- soccer on the school fields.  Hey Dad and kid get out of my way, I am trying to walk here."
Disappointed I stear out into the street to avoid Mom, Dad, Gramma and boy with soccer gear.
Well at this point I gave up trying to run and just decided to walk the rest of the way and concentrate on my music and the beautiful weather.  When I am ready to run and get beyond my silly high school embarressment I will give it a try.  Until then, I will keep picking up my walking pace and be happy with the progress I am making.
So there you have it- a little peek into the musing going on in my brain as I walk.  I don't know if I will ever run and honestly I am ok with that.  My pace is great and I am losing weight which is really my ultimate goal.  I did not go into this to run a marathon and still do not have aspirations of that.  At this point I would just be happy to run for 30 seconds and not end up crippled.  So to all those runners out there- Mad Mad props to you cause I truly know how hard it is and I apologize for ever thinking it was so easy that I was just gonna get off my couch and run for as long as I wanted.  Silly me!
So until I decide to run,
I'll be walking

The Life of a Single Mom

Sometimes being a single Mom is just too much for me to handle.  Today is one of those days. 
My head has been healing well (until today) and I set my sights on walking again today.  It has been too long and dare I say I actually miss it. 
Well here is how my day went:
Anna has been working in the church school so we have been regulars at church again- YEAH!  I spent some quiet time in church praying about my walk today that I was actually looking forward to.  I prayed for no pain and the ability to increase my distance without too much dificulty.  After church I had to pick Grace up from a birthday party sleepover.  After depositing the girls at home, I threw in a load of laundry and did the dishes.  Then it was time to go to a wedding shower in Bel Air.  I spent a lovely afternoon with my Bestie, Sandy, as we celebrated her daughter, Ashley's upcoming wedding.  By the time I left it was 5:00 and I knew that I had to get to the grocery store.  Anna was furiously texting me telling me how hungry she was because she hadn't eaten all day. Oops I guess I forgot to feed them lunch but they ARE old enough to feed themselves.  I frantically ran through the grocery store gathering ingredients for Quesadilas (Anna's dinner of choice) and other ingredients that I needed for school lunches and the crock pot meals I wanted to make this week.  I was completely stressed at this point about being able to get my walk in before dark.
Upon arriving at home Anna made herself a quesadilla and Grace and I made ours as I also attempted to unpack from the store and gather all the materials for the crock pot meal.  I have a faculty meeting tomorrow and knew that I would need a ready to eat meal upon arriving at home later than usual.
I furiously browned the meat and dumped everything into the pot.  At this point Grace started to complain of a stomach ache.  I was alternating between cleaning up the kitchen and tending to her.  This is a typical ailment of hers after a sleepover and I took my frustration out on her which caused both of us to end up in tears.  At this point the sun was gone and so was my mood.  I was so mad that I had missed my opportunity to walk- oh wait, I didn't have one today :( 
Oh yeah, and then there is my head- one of the staples really started to hurt today which is causing me worry. I may have to call the doctor tomorrow if it continues to bother me. It is pretty sore and I haven't had any real pain since Monday.
 Since I couldn't walk, I hoped in the shower to wash my hair and have a few minutes to myself and hide my tears with the shower water.
Grace is now crying and wanted my attention so I better go to her and coax her off to bed so that I can get there myself and start again tomorrow.  Yup today was not a good Mommy day.  Oh well.  Tomorrow I get to do it all over again.
Until Then,
I got nothing

Halloween Came Early

Thanks to Jewish New Year schools are closed today!!  Not really thinking that I might want to sleep in, I made a doctor's appointment for 8:45am to have a basal cell removed from my scalp.  Basal Cell is a cancer but is not life threatening and just needs to be removed and voila done.  I had one removed on my cheek 2 years ago and it was really no big deal.  Well in my mind this was going to be just as easy and I could resume my day, grocery shop and get some cleaning done. 
Not so fast :(  I had done what's called a Mose procedure where basically they cut out the cells and examine them under the miscrosope to make sure they got it all.  If not, they remove some more.  I can thank myself for having to go through this because I waited so long to have it looked at that those pesky cells took root.  So as my luck would have it, they had to go back 3 more times in order to get it all, resulting in a quarter size hole on the top of my head.  A flap had to be created to cover it and 13 staples place in my scalp.  Ok, so not what I was expecting at all.  You would think that I would be worried about my hair. No, not so much.  I was most concerned at the large bangage on my head that basically covers the whole top of my head.  yeah right.  Bummer.

Pretty right?  I have to wear it for a full 48 hours which means Wednesday afternoon.  The whole time I was stressing about work and how I could not face those children with this thing on my head.  I wasn't thinking about the pain I might be in with 13 staples but the horrified looks I was going to get from my neighbors and coworkers and students.  I was not happy.  I was even less happy when she said no exercising for 2 weeks, until the staples come out.  WHAT? I had certainly NOT planned on this one.  I am tentatively teetering on a 12 pound weight loss and lord knows what 2 weeks of not exercising will do to that.  Oh Devil you just love

to toy with me.

So that's pretty much it- after I can take the awful bandages off I have to vasoline the site until the staples come out on October 2nd.  Big Sigh.  At least I didn't have any hot dates lined up :) 
Fortunatley I am still numb so don't feel anything but anticipate some throbbing tonight so I better get to my sub plans and resolve to get through this like everything else the Devil throws at me.
Utnil then,

Searching for a Channing Tatum movie

The Black Butterfly Day

Since the race I have been struggling a bit to stay focused.  I think I have walked twice this week and only for 30 minutes each.   Eating, on the other hand, has been a harder struggle.  It's kind of ironic that for the past 6 weeks the walking was the hard part and the eating was a breeze.  The 12 pounds just seemed to melt off. 
Today I kinda feel stuck.  I have been trying to make good choices but I have stopped counting my calories on My Fitness Pal.  Everyday I have logged in my breakfast but then I stopped.  The past 2 days have not been great and I can feel it in my body.  Part of me feels like I gained the whole 12 pounds back and I am trying to refrain from jumping on the scale every morning. 
I have to get centered again and be more faithful with logging in everything I eat.  I did it once, I can do it again.  And as my new water bottle says.....

I have agreed to walk the Komen Breast Cancer walk on October 21st.  What a perfect way to keep me focused and walking.  I knew when I went in to this that it would be a year long process.  I am on this journey until next summer so I have to keep moving forward.  This was not a 6 week deal, so I have to figure out a way to keep going and not quit so I am greatful that this race came up exactly 6 weeks after the Run to Remember.
So back to today and trying to get rebalanced.  I knew that I was kinda slipping with my food choices (mostly quantity not quality) and I went into today ready to get back on the horse.  Well I didn't do that well as I found myself starving all day.  This is frustrating because the way I was eating for the past 6 weeks I was never hungry.  As usual, I fed my hunger and ended up eating alot.  And no, I didn't log in my calories either. 
I know that I will get back on track, it isn't a matter of if, but when.  I will just try again tomorrow.  This journey will not end and I know this because of a little visitor I had today.
I was sitting on the porch reading when I heard a faint thud next to me.  I looked over and a black butterfly had landed on my People magazine.  I didn't see where it came from and the bizarre part is that I had both my front and side shades pulled all the way down.  It was like it literally dropped out of thin air.
At first I was in awe and sorta amused that it landed on the People Magazine like it was reading it.  I let it sit there and I went back to reading, expecting it to take flight any moment.  Well it never did.  I started to become fascinated with it and even gently nudged the magazine to see if it will move.  It didn't.  HMMM now I was starting to get a little freaked.  Could it be dead?  I nudged again. Nothing.  By now I was convinced it was dead and I developed a horrible dread.  What does it mean when a dead black butterly falls out of the sky and lands a foot away from you?  It couldn't be good.

I immediately went to Google and searched "The symbolism of a dead black butterly" and "black butterfly meanings".  The results were alarming, mostly detailing death.  But then I came upon this eloquent quote, "Black butterfly is associated with change, transition, freedom and rebirth.  It is symbolized as death - assume it as the death of all the bad things and misfortunes."  I loved this!!!  And that is just how I initend to see it.  By nature, I am a symbolic person.  I see symbolism in many things- some true, some not so much.  This poor dead black butterfly was reminding me that I was on a journey of change and rebirth and I now had the resolve that I needed to keep at it and get back on track.  Thank you little dead black butterfly!
Well that is not where the story ends.  I wanted to keep the little guy and maybe frame it (as a friend on Facebook suggested) so I got a tupperware to pack him away in. I moved the magazine to the table where I was going to try to scoop him in with the lid but I kept getting way freaked out. At one point the wind flipped the front cover over dumping the butterfly on the table under it.  This made me jump and run for the door.   Anna was there and I handed her the tupperware and told her to do it while I literally hid behind the door.  I was inside the house just peaking my head around the corner while she started to scoop the poor thing into the container.  In my defence I have a "flying thing" fear.  I don't like birds and anything that can just fly right at you. 
I went in the house, not wanting to watch and I hear Anna yell, "It's not dead."  She ran in the house to tell me that it took off flying!!!  We laughed and couldn't believe it!  Fly little not dead anymore black butterfly!
So long story short, my journey continues, I am no where near done.  I think I just took a breather, kinda like the butterfly, but tomorrow I fly again!
Until then,
Gonna watch me some Katniss

I DID IT!!!!!!

I crossed the finish line in 54 minutes 26 seconds!

This 6 week journey is over and what a ride it's been. 

            6 weeks and 11 pounds ago                                         Today!!!



I am stealing a quote from my 10 year old daughter after she had an appearance on the Jumbotron at an Orioles game- "It's great to be me!" 

I wasn't nervous going into this, maybe I should've been, but I was more concerned about the things I couldn't anticipate.  I don't like doing anything for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect from the crowds, the ceremony, exactly where I would be walking etc.  But as far as the walking, I wasn't nervous.  I knew that I would do it, knew that I would finish and whatever happened in between would take care of itself. 

This is what greeted us when we came around the corner in front of the World Trade Center.  It reminded me the most important reason that I was doing this- to honor Bob Marchanti and remember those that died in 9-11 and all of our fire fighters, police officers and military that keep us all safe.  I smiled as I remembered Bob and knew that he was with me.  I had complained to my Mom last night that I didn't put a picture of Bob or something on my shirt saying that I was walking in his memory, but then she said "He will be with you in your heart."  My mom, always has the words I need to hear :)

I was with Shneequa and Michelle, my 2 Steaders. It was so nice to have them to share this experience with.

Here we are before the race- We are Awesome!!!

So I got myself all ready and we were standing in the middle of this huge pack of people.  Exactly 2 seconds before the horn blared, it dawned on me that I could get trampled because everyone else would be running.  Silly me, I should have started all the way in the back.  Well the horn blared and this huge pack of humans began to move forward like one large parade float.  The pace of my walk started out
pretty fast because I was trying to keep up with the runners.  Well pretty quickly it all thinned out and I was beginning to worry that there were no other walkers and I became extremely self conscious and began to doubt myself.  But soon enough the walkers caught up to me and I fell into a nice pace as we rounded the Science Center.  About this time my shins began to scream and I thought, I am in trouble.  It is too soon to be feeling this pain.  When I finally reached the 1 mile marker I was thinking that maybe I should panic.  There was no way I was going to go 2 more miles with this pain.  I concentrated on thinking positively and had my first conversation with Bob.  I knew he was with me and I began to remember working with him at Victory Villa and what a simple, fun to be around person he was.  You could not help but smile when you were around him.  He never spoke ill of others and boy did he love his wife and kids.   These memories carried me through the long haul on Key Highway and soon I found that the pain was better, definitely tolerable.  Thanks Bob!! 
I came around a corner and was almost smacked in the face with a HUGE hill.  I shook my head and chuckled and dug my shoes in, I knew they would carry me up.  I named the hill- The Hill of the Past because as I was trudging up it, watching more and more people pass me, I began to think about all of the other "hills" I have encountered in my life and sure enough conquered.  I was smiling by the time I reached the top.
At this point my mouth was dry and I was searching for the first water table.  Up ahead, not too far I thought I saw one but as I got closer I realized it was just a mirage, or really just a fire truck with hot firemen cheering us on.  Wait, I think that was a little better than water actually.  At every intersection there were firemen and woman stopping traffic for us.  It was like Hottie day too cause many of them served as a tasty bit of eye candy for the trip- SCORE!!!
Still on the search for water and that damned 2 mile marker I kept trudging along.  Around another corner the water table emerged and ahead of me were waiting a man and a woman with outstretched cups of water.  Of course I steered toward the man and politely said thank you as the water began to slosh down my chin.  Ahead of me was a complete sea of white where everyone had thrown there cups.  Now I know that this is proper running etiquette and there are people there to clean it up, but I had a very hard time throwing my cup on the ground- even as I was stomping on them like bubble wrap.  A lady up ahead was holding a trash bag and picking up cups and I tossed mine in her bag like Michael Jordan.
And there it was- up ahead- the long sought after 2 mile marker.  I rounded that sucker and picked up my pace.  I was kind of in my own little bubble, the cackling trio of ladies that had been strolling in front of me had somehow sprinted farther up ahead and I could barely make them out.  A quick look behind me showed that I, at least, was not last.  At this point, the song Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars came on.  I quickly pointed out to myself that even thought I was walking this 5K, I was amazing just the way I am!  It became my theme song and I smiled all the way through mile 2-3.  My shins were no longer hurting and the end was close.

Walking through Federal Hill was really nice- loved the row houses so much!  I even came upon a house party that I am sure, by the sounds of it, was still going on since last night.  My favorite was about 2 blocks later when a group of drunken men (still out from the night before I am sure) were standing bare feet and bare chested on the corner cheering everyone on.
Because this was the Race to Remember there were alot of fire fighters and police officers and a platoon of police officers that were running in formation, their cadence keeping us all in step too.
One more hill to go and I could see the end.  I strode up that hill with my arms swinging as several people were heading back down, already finished.  A guy at the top said 500 yards this way and you are done.  Well since 99% of the people in the race had already finished, I crossed the finish line to cheers in my heart and a smile on my face. 
There was music and celebrations and awards and a BANANA that was the best tasting thing ever!  I downed a water bottle in record time and then also had a half a bagel and began to feel recovered.  I was definitely depleted and was thankful to refuel.
So that's it- my adventure in insanity and I can without a doubt say that yes, I have lost my mind, and along the way, found a new one- and I like this one better :)
Here are some pics we took after the race on Federal Hill and before our half mile walk back to the garage- yes that was a cruel joke.

These are my stats according to the app on my phone that I use to keep track of my speed, distance and calories burned- my favorite!!!
I am thinking that walking a 5K is like child birth- while going through labor you swear you will never go through it again, you will never have more children.  And then afterwards you kind of forget the bad parts and only see the good parts and say yeah sure I can do that again.  Well that is sorta where I am right now.  Definitely remember telling myself that I would never do this again, somewhere around the 1.5 mile mark but now sitting home and reliving it all I am thinking sure why not?  It will keep me going. SO I will look into that soon and will also be looking for training buddies- friends to keep me accountable to training.  Hmmm I wonder who will be up to the challenge?
Until then,
Insert Lazy Song lyrics

Gains and Losses

My walk today was quick and hurried.  I have been so busy this week and have not had time before it got dark to walk.  I knew I had to walk today and reminded myself all during work of that fact (even while I was dealing with 25 first graders in the lab today I was praying for my shoes to fall out of the sky and force me to run out the back door).  I had a stupid after school meeting that I ended up leaving early.  I was starving when I got home so I scarfed down a turkey burger.  No sooner was it down and I had to get out for my walk.  I knew that if I didn't go right then I wouldn't be back in time for the most important thing in my life- Celebrity Stalking!  The VMA's started at 8 and I wanted to be in my seat ready to see some of my favorite stars!  Well I do not suggest combining digesting food while walking briskly- not a good combo.  But it is done and I am now happily sitting on my couch watching Katy Perry give the first award to One Direction! I made it just in time.
Speaking of making it just in time, my race is this Sunday!!!!
It has been 6 weeks since I officially lost my mind.  In that short time there have been so many gains in my life. 1. I have gained a new pair of running shoes that I absolutely love. 2. I have gained the confidence in myself to set a goal and actually stick to it. 3.  I have gained strength. 4. I have gained stamina. 5.  I have gained a new sense of self importance.  6.  I have gained determination. 7. I have gained stronger writing skills and accountability by keeping this blog. These are just a few of the new things in my life as a result of going completely insane.
And in 6 weeks, I have only lost 1 thing- ELEVEN POUNDS!!!
I can't tell you what this all means to me.  When I started this journey I wasn't sure I would make it.  I was prepared to quit and find comfort back on the couch with a full bag of cheez-its.  But instead I pushed through all of the obstacles, and believe me there were plenty, and I made it.  Well I haven't actually made it to the finish line yet, that happens this Sunday.  I know I am ready and I know that crossing that finish line will symbolize so much to me and I can't wait.
However, the finish line will not be the end of this journey.  I am only beginning.  I know there will be many obstacles ahead, I am already fretting about many of them, but I know that with each obstacle I face, I will find a way through it so that I can reach my next goal.  I have always kept my eye on the prize and that has made this journey all the more easier.
I am always amazed when someone tells me that they read my blog because when I write it, I only am thinking about me (cause I'm selfish like that) LOL
Well really it is just a way to get out my frustration most of the time.  So when someone says they read my blog it is definitly a surreal feeling. 
Thanks to all of my cheerleaders out there, I think you are the biggest gain because now knowing that others are reading my words makes this whole process real and valid and important.  Thanks for that!

This Bog Post Interrupts the Blog Posts Already in Progress.

"Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. Don't feel like picking up the phone so leave a message at the tone cause today I don't feel like doing anything." Bruno Mars

This is my theme song. You see I am basically a lazyaholic. I love having no plans and a whole day ahead of me with nothing to do. I can fill the hours with Facebook, twitter, celebrity stalking, movie watching, creative writing and naps, among other mundane things! Today, being Labor Day, I've decided to honor all of us who labor day in and day out and not do anything that remotely involves labor. I am even writing my first post on my phone because I am too lazy to get up to go to the computer. So please excuse any funky spellings due to touch screen that I will be too lazy to go back and fix. 

Ok so I had to switch to my laptop to upload this picture because I had to download an app and follow all these directions I was too lazy to read in order to add a picture from my phone.
My 14 year old doesn't understand my need for lazy days.  I don't think she has fully grasped the concept that her mother is a single parent who works full time and does 99.9% of the work around the house.  I keep meaning to change that but I guess I am too lazy. When I ask her to do 1 chore a day- ONE- you would think I was asking her to build the house from scratch.  SMH
So today I am lazy- no walking, pretty much nothing other than reading on the porch and watching some TV- today's choice was Big Brother After Hours which is basically 3 hours of people sitting around a house talking and being lazy!!!  I did make dinner, with Grace's help, to which both girls gave their typical response- "I don't like it."  Now I am not a cook, don't even like to cook but my usual repertuar of meals was getting old and boring and I have been trying to spice it up lately.  Especially since I am also trying to eat better.  Well so far not much I have tried has been a success.  I have liked most of them but I am not very picky and I also understand the time and effort it took to make said meal and will, therefore, eat it.
So, other than the failed meal attempt, today has been a quiet, lovely day.  I will go to bed rested and satisfied and ready to wake up with the alarm tomorrow morning and reenter the rat race.  This week will be a very busy one- Grace starts gymnastics again, I have Back To School Night, Anna starts back up with Girl Scouts, I can't wait to visit with my Uncle and his wife who are up from Florida, and I have to work too. Oh yeah I also have a "stupid can't tell you how much I hate them" meeting after work this week.  It looks like it is shaping up to be a very busy week and least I forget, I have to fit in at least 4 walking days before the big race on Sunday.
Well this change of pace post has been fun but now I am thoroughly depressed about my busy upcoming week so I think I will go lay down a bit and try not to think about it.

My thought for today! Tomorrow I will "Just Do it" again.
Until then,
Laze on

My Alleluia Moment

This morning was the last training Sunday before the race next week.  I was up and ready to go early, actually lookiing forward to walking around the Fort, I've become a bit attached to that place now.  When I got there, I realized that I forgot my arm band and earbuds and started to hit panic mode- how was I going to walk without my music?  Then my wonderful co-worker, Michelle, had a great idea- put my phone in my cleavage!!  How did I not think of that?  Crisis averted!
My goal was to walk the path 3 times which would be about 3 miles.  Alyssa walked with me, which was amazing.  We talked the whole time and the 53 minutes just flew by.  But the best news of the day was that I didn't have ANY pain!  NO shin pain, no ankle pain and I felt like I could walk the path 3 more times.  What an amazing feeling!

I have lost 8 pounds so far and definitly feel it in my clothes.  What an amazing feeling it will be if I reach 10 pounds by race day.  I am feeling more optimistic about this whole experience and so glad that I have stuck with it. Big lesson learned- some days are just going to be harder than others (you would think I would have learned that one by now). 

 Shneequa and I talked about signing up for another one to keep us going.  Maybe by the next one I will be running. One step at a time.

So I am taking my positive attitude and putting this spin on everything this week.  I am healthy, happy and on a journey that will bring amazing things.  Thanks for coming along for the ride, errr ah walk rather.  I appreciate all the support from all of my cheerleaders more than you know.  This time next week I will be able to proudly display my 5K sticker on my car and have another Alleluia moment.
Until then,
Walking on