Goals and Food

Thanks to my cheerleader, Shannon, who text me this picture this morning!  It reminded me of the many goals that I have set for myself this year! Some I have reached, some not.  That is the good thing about goals, I think.  It really isn't necessarily about reaching them, but striving to reach them.  I think it is unrealistic to think that we will reach 100% of the goals we make, that is the beauty of a goal- it give you something to work for, something to think about as we trudge through this life each day. That's the way I see it anyway.
I have set a new short term goal- to lose 10 pounds by the color run (May 11th).  Absolutely obtainable and once I hit that, I will be back at the weight I was 6 years ago when my life took a huge pitfall.  I gained 30 pounds in those 6 years as I nursed a horribly broken heart back to life.
It was probably just a year ago that I started to feel like myself again, which I guess prompted this journey that I am on now.  
I had never set goals for myself before in such a definitive way.  My goals always seemed to be directed for me and this was maybe the first time in my life that I had taken charge of my own destiny and boy has it felt good.  
So the next 10 pounds are going to be huge for me! 
Unfortunately I have really struggled with keeping up with the running and counting calories.  I blame this on 2 things....
1. My beloved robe and slippers.
2. The lack of fresh fruits and vegetable.
You see I come home from work everyday and can't wait to put on my comfies which makes it very hard to then put on running clothes and get moving.  Yes yes I KNOW- put them on as soon as I get home, blah blah blah.  By the time my rational brain catches up to my reality, my robe is on and zippered and darn if I can get it unzipped :) Why oh why can't I just run in bare feet and my robe?
I am also craving so many of the good summer foods and find planning for good low cal stuff, when there are so few options, a real drag.
Counting calories is a bitch too (pardon my language but it is).  I am just not good at it anymore but everyday I try....... which is all I can ask of myself now- it is all part of the journey to the goal.  As long as I keep that in my head everyday then I will be ok, but dang it is isn't easy.
My hopes is that when I can eat tomato sandwiches and make good fruit salads etc. that I will not have such a hard time.
So for now, it is a daily struggle but I keep plugging along toward my next goal- 10 pounds by May 11th and to run a mile of the 5K color run.
Until then,
Eating a banana

Do you have a plan?

I have never been much of a planner or schedule follower.  I am more impulsive and unorganized.  I know, I know, this isn't a great combination for a teacher but I always found that my best lessons were loosely planned with changes as I went.  My mind just seems to work better that way.  I am mildly ADD so this could also explain alot. This is also not the best way to manage your life, but I am trying to make it work, or at least make it look like it is working.

So when it comes to devising a training plan for this 5K I am at a loss.  When I trained this fall it was with a trainer- the wonderfully awesome Alyssa, who also happens to be my Twilight Hunger Games loving friend and hallway bathroom break bestie at work.  Alyssa and our group followed a plan that wasn't devised by me so all I had to do was follow it.   It was simple- be here at such and such a time and do this.  It worked for me.
Well there is no trainer, no group this time- it is on me.  My cheerleader, Shannon has given me a plan for doing 30/30 intervals which I am going to start with.  Alyssa has also PROMISED to give me a schedule!  My friends sure know me!!  The biggest problem will be accountability.  When I knew I had to meet the group at Fort McHenry even on Sunday at the awful hour of 8:30am I got up and went.  I was accountable to other people as well as myself.
I am a bit concerned that this time the accountability factor is going to be an issue for me.  I am trying to keep a positive outlook on it but knowing myself too well, I will have a hard time.
I guess this is the next step in the transformation for me- the ability to hold myself accountable and not rely on other people to do it for me.  It will be difficult for me but I am going to wrap my head around it and dig in.  I know I can do it, I did it before and I know the results are more than worth it.
So today I will walk/run for 30 minutes.  I will start out doing 30/30 intervals and see how I feel and perhaps run a bit more. 
I am going to schedule my runs this week, which I haven't done for months.  I will run today for 30 minutes, walk tomorrow for 20 minutes, run on Wednesday, take Thursday as a rest day, and and run one day over the weekend.  Given my schedule this week there is no reason that I won't be able to do it.  I also know that my cheerleader, Shannon, will check in with me and get my butt out of the chair if I am unmotivated (she scares me sometimes LOL  just kidding Shannon!) 
Ok my head is on straight, I have my plan, my mind is set.... now I just have to get my legs to cooperate with my brain!
Until then,
Still paying bills

Promises

I promise this post is not about Gavin Degraw!
Ok now on to other things.... I hate making promises.. especially to my daughters and most definitely not to myself.  I have learned far too many times that promises are very hard to keep and very easy to break.  Therefore, I do not make them often... and if I do, stand back because it has to be a sure deal.  One of those is when I promise a friend I will not tell anyone something they have asked not be shared.  I got the backend of that deal in college and have vowed to never do that to anyone.  
So I am not going to make any promises I know I may not be able to keep.  Throughout this journey I have not made any promises to myself, other than the fact that I would continue forward on this journey- however slow and long going it is.  This is different in my mind to making a goal- a goal is something you strive to achieve, a grasping point.  In my mind, if I am still on the path to my goal then I am just fine, it gives a barometer to measure myself and keep me accountable.  
I have stumbled along this journey many times and will continue to do so, but this PROMISE I have given myself- I will not jump off for good.  It may take me a long time to get there, there will be slow times and times that I want to give up, but I won't.  This is the best promise I can give myself, because I know I will keep it.
So I have signed up for the Baltimore Color Run in May.  It will be my third 5K and I am setting a goal to run 1 mile of it and walk the rest.  I am going to start training for in earnest this week.  I am happy again to be preparing for something, having a place to hold me accountable at the end.  I am even anticipating it more because there is a large group from work that are also going to do it and I couldn't be happier to have this experience with my co-workers.  The job may be stressful at times but I do love the people I work with.
So I will start posting about my preparations for the Color Run but I can't promise that....oh wait I can't say because I already promised not to say....nevermind.
Until then,
I Got Nothin' - Darius Rucker 

Ok so while searching images for "promises" I came across this.... I think I just found my wedding band (for whenever and to whomever I get married again).

Where Do You Find Your Inspiration?

If you are reading this post expecting my usual quip about running and weight loss you may be disappointed. If you have followed this blog, then you know that I can be vulnerable and emotional at times, expect just that from this post.  If you want to close out and wait for the next, more rational post, then I am ok with that! I have done some pretty weird things in my life, some I just laugh at and others are cringe worthy, but this one might just take the cake in terms of weirdness for me.

 You see the past month my life has been consumed by one thing- Gavin Degraw and his music.  I am undecided if this is 1. a midlife crisis 2. normal fan behavior or 3. yet another example of me losing my mind.  

One day in January I innocently came across a video on Youtube of Gavin.  I can't even remember what song it was but I was instantly hooked by his voice, his songs and his charm.
 I have had his song, Not Over You, on my playlist for years and it has always been one of my absolute favorites, but I never paid attention to who sang it (sorry Gavin).  Well I am sure paying attention now!! His songs are soulful, emotional and his voice is pure raw genius.  His lyrics are heart-wrenchingly emotional- just my kind of songs! 
As the fates would have it, I got the opportunity to see Gavin in concert and to meet him on February 9, 2013 and it was a true highlight of my life.  I have had very few opportunities for complete joy in my life (other than the joy my daughters, family and friends give me) so this was an all consuming feeling for me. 

If you have never had the opportunity to watch some of his videos or seen him live, I highly recommend it- especially if you are as lucky as I was to be front row, right on the stage!  I can't wait to see him again but unless I am upfront and get to chat with him again, it just won't be the same. 

Now I did not go to the concert anticipating meeting him, this would have been beyond my wildest dreams and I couldn't let myself even entertain the possibility  After the concert ended, before I knew it, he was standing in front of me, shaking Anna's hand and asking her name.  I was blown away by the attention that he gave to each person he met, looking them right in the eyes and making them feel so special for that brief moment.  He was beyond humble and of course as cute as a button, as usual.

I do not like it of me at all...but he is perfect! 

Ok before I get too sappy here, let me digress.  I am trying to learn a few things about myself from this unexpected gift.  Here are some things I have discovered:
1. I have been lacking excitement in my life lately.
2. Music is a big part of my life. 
3. I have a deep appreciation for emotionally creative people.
4. I find joy in the most unexpected ways.

So now let me see if I can connect any of this to my weight loss journey....hmmm why yes, I think I can!

As you know from previous posts, I have sorta lost my mojo during the holidays and running/weight loss have been difficult and slow.  I am still losing- hit 21 pounds this week- yeah me! but since October I have, at best, maintained my weight loss.  I think I just became bored with my life in many areas.
Well meeting your favorite celebrity and seeing yourself in pictures associated with said celebrity do something to you. I wanted to look my best, I wanted to feel my best and as a result I am now, more than ever, ready to lose more weight and get back into running. I am looking forward to running a spring 5K with Gavin in me ears the whole way!  So Gavin, I thank you for that inspiration!  
This journey has helped me connect with myself on a level I never thought possible.  Last night another Gavin fan posted this on twitter and it resonated with me- "Meditation practice isn't about trying 2 throw ourselves away and become something better, it’s about befriending who we are."  Pema Chodron

Thank you Nicole for this quote!  For while I have changed so much during the past 7 months, most importantly I have become my own best friend.  I have found out some things about myself that I like and some things that I don't, and I embrace both.  I have also come to the realization that while I may be a middle aged women obsessing about a musician 9 years my junior, I am perfectly fine with that. It may not be for everyone, but it is working for me, bringing me unexpected happiness that I think I was lacking in my life.
 I am not expecting anyone to understand it, you can call me crazy if you want(won't be the first time) but his voice and songs have brought me a peace and calm and I am ok with that.
I know now that it is important for me to channel this into other areas of my life.  I have not read any books, listened to any other music or written in the past month and I do miss those things about my life that I always loved, so I must try to find balance between these things. This is the next part of this journey.  Gavin will still be a big part of it, and hopefully new inspiration for my writing and exercise!
Some people find inspiration in a book, others find it in an athlete or mentor.  I have found it in song and in one voice in particular.
So all in all, I thank you Gavin Degraw for your songs, for your voice, for your adorableness and for helping me to learn more about myself than I ever thought possible.  After all, isn't life all about finding your own happiness?
This week I am taking all of this joy and channeling it into other areas of my life that need a bit more of it- like my treadmill- I will pour out my joy on that darn thing, with Gavin in my ears of course!
Until then,
"I am trying with Perfect Faith"
-Gavin Degraw