365 Days- Gains and Losses

Well it has been 365 days since I started this journey.  365 days since I said I was no longer going to be a couch potato and was going to take back my life and make some positive changes.  I can remember sitting down to write my first blog post.  At that time I could barely walk 1/2 mile at a pretty decent speed. I remember the tears of fear and embarrassment when I would meet with my training group and struggle to just keep walking.  I remember the hopes and dreams of being more comfortable in my body by the next summer.

So here I sit, halfway through "the next summer".  In reflecting on the past year I am not going to detail every pound I lost.  I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted to by this time but I have lost so much more!
Here is a list of all the "non-weight" things I have lost this year:

I have lost:
1. My negative thinking in general
2. My negative perception of myself
3. The inability to walk 3+ miles
4. The perception that running is something I can't do
5. My thoughts that I can't do this

Losing all the negativity in my life surrounding my body and my weight, I have also gained so much more!

I have gained:
1. The knowledge that any goal is challenging but worth pursuing.
2. Learning that things may not happen in the way that you want them to but that doesn't mean you quit.
3. Embracing that life is full of challenges and surprises- both equally as exciting and important.
4. Finding out that we don't always get what we want out of life but we get what we work for, even if the results are not what we originally intended.
5. Life is hard, but doing nothing is harder.
6. Life is worth every step of the journey - even the struggles teach us things about ourselves we never would have known otherwise.

And so many other positive things, I could list forever.

I could sit here and spew negativity about his past year and how I didn't lose the 30 or 50 pounds I had thought I would lose.  I could drone on and on about how I am still not happy with my body and disappointed that I still can't look in a mirror without cringing.  I could be negative and sad and angry and all those other negative emotions that are so easy to grasp on to.  There is a part of my brain that is just begging to be let out and fester on this page. But probably the most important thing I have gained (learned) this year is that stinking thinking will get me no where.  It is the devil's work and will only serve to put me right back where I was in the years prior to taking this leap.  It would be easy for me to get on my negative high horse and knock down everything I have built up this year but you know what?  I don't want to, have no desire to go there. It isn't a place that my mind lives anymore.  That negative place of thinking is where I lived for many many years and is exactly why I am in the state that I was in the first place.  It got me nowhere.  

So instead I think about the positive things that this year has brought me.  Yes this year did not bring me the weight loss that I had hoped but it has brought me so much more than I could have ever hoped for!  This blog has detailed so many of them already and there are so many more to come!

On August 15th I hope to announce so very exciting news!  Something I have worked on for a very long time.  Something that made me stretch and grow more than I ever thought possible, even more than this journey did.  It has to stay a secret for now but I can't wait to announce it to everyone and see where this next journey will take me!!  

I will continue to blog, I will continue the daily struggle of staying active and healthy and I WILL lose more weight and feel better about myself!  This was never a journey I was only on for a year but I am on it for a lifetime.  If it takes me another year to lose the weight I had hoped then so be it.  Despite the fact that I haven't lost what I had hoped, I am happier and healthier than I have been in a very very long time.  The struggles, the tears, the joys, the friendships, the music, the laughter, the heartache, the bitterness, the love..... it is all part of life and it should all be celebrated as part of our story, our journey!

So this isn't goodbye for now, but it is the beginning of a change in another direction!  After August 15th I will be starting a new blog- one that will detail the "other" journey I have been on simultaneously with this one.  I can't wait to tell you all about it!  I will continue to blog about my "getting healthy" journey here as well!

Until then,
Embracing the journey