Oops I Did It Again

There I go losing my mind again.  I have signed up for another 5K.  What is WRONG with me?  Well I will tell you:
1.  I have lost weight.
2.  I am feeling healthier.
3.  I have set a goal and stuck with it.
4.  I am happier
ok ok you get the point!  When I look back on the last 12 weeks I cannot believe what I have accomplished and learned not only about myself but also life in general.  There were definitly bumps in the road and I still question my sanity daily, but I really think that I have embraced this walking thing and by signing up for another 5K, I am holding myself accountable to train for and finish it.

I also love the saying- "If you want something different, you have to do something different."  Had I not made this change then I would be in the same situation I was in last summer, wearing the same tight pants, feeling the same gross, fat, overweight feeling, eating the same foods and feeling pretty miserable about my body.

But I decided that I wanted something different- and I wasn't going to be afraid to give it to myself.  I wasn't going to wait for someone to change it for me because years and years of waiting for that to happen taught me something - if you keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different result you will just drive yourself crazy and end up exactly in the same place that you are in.
So I changed, just like that!
As I get older, I am starting to realize that I will get out of life exactly what I put into it and it is time to start getting everything that I want- starting with my body.
So yes, once again, I have lost my mind and once again my life will change because of it and I can't wait to see me on the other side.
Until then,
Let the training begin!

It's All About the Boobies

Today I was thrilled to participate in the Koman For the Cure Walk as part of Team Halstead, It's All About the Boobies.  There were about 22 of us from my school that were participating.  Our meeting time was 6:45- yikes!  It was easier getting up than I thought, even though it was still pitch black out.  I guess I was excited to be walking my second 5K.  Most of us met in the Dutch Market parking lot and braved the chill in the air.  We had to walk about a mile and a half to the race village.  On the walk there we lost half the group and after some texting and reorganizing we were able to meet up again just to stand around and wait.   Some in our group were partcipating in the run and left early for that part of the race.  The rest of us stood around for while until it was time to walk.  I couldn't get over the number of people that were there.  They were playing music and the overall festivities were amazing. 
When it was time for the walkers we followed the crowds and before we knew it we were just whisked along with everyone else.  The sea of people ahead and behind us was just overwhelming.  It was quite a different experience than the first time as everyone was just stolling along.  It was hard to stay together as a group and as hard as we tried, we just couldn't do it.  When we reached the 1 mile mark we decided to keep going but it wasn't too long before we took a detour to head to breakfast.  I was with some awesome co-workers who brought their young daughters along and when I heard breakfast food, I was in.  It was about another half mile to a mile back to our car and I would say all in all I definitly walked 3 miles if not more.  Even though the pace was leisurely, it was still a very nice walk.
We went to the Ashland Cafe where I was happy to feast on eggs, pancakes and bacon without any guilt.  It renewed my desire to keep walking and get back into the swing of things.  I want to find another 5K to walk in a few months and get back to training.  Until today I hadn't walked since my fateful "thriller night" and I am not sure if it was because I was so traumatized, I just got out of the routine or I just haven't had the time. 
I am going to make it more of a priority this week and really want to make the time for it but it has just been so difficult.  Oh well, another challenge to overcome :)
Until then,
sleeping off the bacon!

It's Close to Midnight and Something Evil's Lurking in the Dark

After not eating well this week and not walking either I was bound and determined to walk today. First I had to drive my Daddy to work and then take Grace to gymnastics. By the time I got home I was starving and had to eat. So I enjoys some soup while watching The Ellen Show and gave my food time to digest. 
The sun was starting to go down so I quickly dressed and started for the door. Only to be stopped by my lovely teenage daughter who was frantically trying to complete her homework and print something. Being the good mother that I am I stopped to help her as I watched twilight decend out the window. 
Giving in to frustration I told her I had to go and stomped out the door. By this time the street lights were on. 
It didn't take long after I left my street for the willies to set in. Every dog that barked, car that passed me or person taking the garbage out was coming to get me. The newspaper headlines kept running through my mind, "Parkville Mother of Two Abducted on an Evening Stroll." or "Grisley Remains of Local Jogger Found in the Fields behind School." The further I went the more I was convinced I wouldn't make it home. 
I turned around and picked up my pace to just make it back to my street alive. Now I am not an overly suspicious person by nature. I don't like horror movies, not because I get scared but because I just don't enjoy the feelings of watching them.  It isn't pleasant or fun to me.
I was more terrified of the unfortunate world in which we live in that share these unpleasant realities all too often. So here I sit on my beloved porch typing out my tale on my phone thankful that I made it home but completely discouraged that I didn't get my usual 2miles in (I barely made it a mile). 
Oh well I have to say. I just have to have at it again tomorrow and hope that I can get back on track this week. I am completely worried about this getting dark early thing now because I know I won't walk in the dark again and even with the best intentions I won't get out of bed in the morning to walk. So I am going to have to find a walking or exercise program on TV to keep me going and I am not at all happy about that. But I have learned since I started this that nothing comes easy or without pain and challenge and sacrifice and I must learn to adapt. I may gain some weight back or not lose any for a few weeks but my resolve to finish this will set me back on the right path.  As I have said before, I am keeping my eye on that prize and oh what a prize it will be!!
So until then,
Enjoy the lyrics to Thriller
It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see

That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

Stressed Spelled Backwards is Desserts

So I have kinda been all over the place lately.  I have been stuck somewhere around 15 pounds down.  Some mornings I get up and weigh myself and I am a little more and other mornings a little less. (lesson learned- don't weigh yourself everyday).
This week has been high high stress for me which in turn equal high high calorie intake.  You see I am a stress eater.  Well, and a lonely eater, and a bored eater and a celebratory eater and pretty much every other reason there is to eat other than hunger.  This is why I have gained 30 pounds in the past 5 years. 
Now that I am back to work full time after a wonderful summer off, the stress is beginning to pile on.  The stress falls into 2 categories- Money and children.  Thankfully work hasn't been a major source of stress, at least not once I walk out the doors- I have become exceedingly good at leaving work at work, always have been since Anna was born. 
 So that leaves money and children. Oh where to begin.  First with the big green wads of bills that I am lacking- I have successfully figured out how to live a full week on $50.00.  When that is ALL that you have to your name you just figure it out.  Let's just say that I hope to never have to relive this week again, EVER. With the cost of EVERYTHING going up and my paycheck staying the same I have found that just paying bills and feeding my family is a major struggle that is requiring much thought and planning on my part to just make ends wave at each other, arms outstretched, hoping to one day meet. It is so frustrating to have the equivalent of 2 masters degrees and not be able to support this little family of 3.  But as the saying goes- "Put on your big girl panties" or is it "This, too, shall pass"?  Maybe I am looking for the one that says "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."  Whatever cliche I am looking for I haven't quite found the one that puts 5,000.00 more dollars in my checking account a month.  Hence stresser #1.
So now on to stresser #2 (have I lost you yet?  Are you rolling your eyes at me and my complaining yet?  I do have a point and will hopefully get to it soon so hang in there). Children- my 2 lovely, amazing, beautiful children that I made (in the dark haahaa).  How is it that these wonderful creatures can cause me so much anquish and frustration?  Oh let me count the ways:
1. The refusal to lift a finger to help around the house creating more mess for the Mama.
2. The endless questions and need for "things" that I must buy (see stresser #1).
3. The sicknesses and the attention that requires.
4. Homework (The Bain of My Existence!!!)  If you have ever tried to help your child through math homework when they have given up, are tired and just don't want to hear another word from their "teacher" mother then you know what I mean on this one.  Oh the fights are nasty and I struggle to squash my inner teacher voice constantly.
5. Dinner- planning it, making it, cleaning it up, fighting my picky child who refuses to eat what I make.
I think I will stop there but could go on and on and on.....
So this week has been pretty stressful (have I mentioned that?)  and when Kristin gets stressed Kristin eats.  Period, end of blog, point made.
SO I can hear you out there in blog land saying to yourself- "Walking is a great stress reliever." Yup I know, I know and I have walked this week, maybe once, but between the rain, After school activities, Grace being sick, me catching her cold and everything else that has piled on I haven't been able to walk as much as I would have liked which = more stress. 
So what's my plan?  Cause this stress sure ain't going anywhere, and wait, what is that I see around the corner?  More stress of the unknown, as yet undiscovered, variety?  Yup I am sure it is just there lurking.  So (if you have stayed with me thus far, and I am not really sure at this point why you would have, but if you have) here is my plan:
Wake up tomorrow and figure it out all over again.  Walk if I can.  Count my calories and take a breather when I have to.  Think about everything I am putting in my mouth and above all- forgive myself if I go astray and then get back on the proverbial horse and ride on through. There will be days that I just eat to make myself feel better and I cannot let those days cause me more stress by beating myself up because then it becomes the viscious circle of stress>eat>stress>eat and so on until I step on the scale and wonder how I possibly put all that weight on.  This is my journey and there will be mistakes, there will be stress, there will be setbacks but one thing I can guarentee you- I will NOT be giving up.  No one is without stress.  No one is without trials and setbacks.  And no one or nothing will destroy the power, the will and the detemination I have to keep moving forward!!!!

Until Next Time,

Passing on the Pie